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| It's 4 am in the morning! I had a good sleep after my previous paper, and soon preparing for my final paper in 4th year. (cross fingers)! Pretty afraid that I might not pass the 4th year some times, looking at the way I had answered questions in some of my exams! I can only lift up my worries and anxieties into His hands and do my best, praying and settling myself that God would look after my every need and my fellowship with Him is what matters.
Right now, it is so dark and cool outside; my window is right next to the bed. I discovered a nest behind my air con unit outside my window and every day, the parent birds (pigeons) cooing their way in and out of the nest. Initially, it was annoying, however, it's quite marvellous to have life, to have birds making a nest (and hopefully eggs and chicks) right outside my window. It's pure silence right now, except for my fan whirring in the background, not even the morning birds are out chirping yet. It's such a lovely time for quiet contemplation, away from the worries, anxieties, cares from the world. To listen to some quiet contemplative Christian music in the background, talking to my Father, I felt a sense of peace which I had forgotten for some time. To look at the cross, and to know Him, everything pales in comparison. Yet, when the buzz of life continues, could I remember this moment in time or better still, have this peace to surpass all my buzz?
1. I'll be going back to Singapore from the 11th to 31st December!!! Short, but can't wait. Singapore is where my home and heart lies. I pray I might get to meet most of my friends when I am back. Just to be able to catch up on people's lives, seeing new babies and seeing how "old babies" grow. To meet family, seeing how my parents and relatives grow more white hair on their heads. It's been a year since I saw them. In this year period, my grandmom has passed away, my old BS leader had a baby, I wonder what changes would I see? My church has grown to have a youth service which plays hillsongs! If anyone knows my church, that is a really really significant step or change! Sometimes, I wonder, unconsciously do I wish or think after 4-5 years away from home, I still expect my home or Singapore to be the same as when I had first left it? Have I truly embraced its changes? I treasure and like nostalgia.
2. Looking forward to the holidays planned! A pity that I cannot join people for convention trip down Melbourne, I will survive, :) Promised some people that I would bring some stuff back to Singapore. It has come the year which I have to start moving my stuff back to Singapore!
3. To the person who told me the story: thank you for sharing the story of this person, albeit short, but a reminder for me of how to live our lives. I hope no harm was done in sharing the story as generically as I can make it to be. There was this man who passed away abruptly because of an illness. Yet from early on in his life, he somehow knew that God is going to take him away when he is relatively young. So from way back, he had prepared his family in case he pass away suddenly (a little scary but...), and he also live victoriously. He tell others and live his life by a belief that one should never miss opportunities to share the gospel and God. He lived his life for the Lord and made full use of his time here knowing God will take him away early. He was in his early 30s. But he left behind a legacy. Aren't our lives as such? We live our lives as if we can live forever, but they are actually fleeting. What if someone told us we had so amount of years to live? How would we live our lives? Do we live, prepared to face our Lord and to prepare the way for others? In Singapore, society and so on pressures us to keep moving in a certain direction, I pray for a conviction to live a life that defies that really. When I get caught up with pursuing temporal things or when I lose temporal stuff, may I remember what I have and the meaning of my life and His purpose for us.
4. Has anyone heard about Ted Haggard? He is the founder and senior pastor of New Life Church in US, a mega church of 14000. He was the head of the NAE, the national association of Evangelicals. He practically brought the church up from the humble beginnings of the basement of his home. I believe this is a man who was beating the same heart beat as God. However, recently, he was brought down to earth through a series of events that brought out a secret life; that he had drugs and had some associations with gay prostitutes. For a time, people were shocked, angry, confused, that a man of his stature and status would be a hypocrite? Tempted and sinned beyond what we could tolerate him? How could he when so many people trusted in Him and he should know better.
I emphatised with church members who believed in him and his family who had to endure with him. I pray for true friends who would stand by him and support him in his time of need for his somewhat celebrity life would never be the same again. As guys, I speak from personal experience and from some friends' experiences, sexual temptation and immorality, (in fact, all sin or habitual sin or addiction) is very real, very deceiving and very, well, tempting! I hear stories from Pastor Graham of pastors who lead double lives, in sharing sessions, me and others hear and confess of our own double faces as well. Whether we commit in action or in thought, we have sinned. Generally, people would downplay it, the secular world proclaims that this is the norm or commonplace. Pray that I might keep myself accountable, and keep a humble spirit. Pray that all guys might not have double lives or double faces. Covenant Eyes is a program that you have to pay to subscribe, and it keeps track of all the websites that you go to and sends a report to accountability partners of your choice. It's a bit painful (financially and lack of privacy wise) but I do believe it's a wise, worthwhile step for people who would like to have it.
Pray that I might not cloud my vision or have prejudices. Pastors or people whom we respect for their spiritual maturity face the same temptations of sin and most probably even more than us as the devil attacks them. I must continue to pray for them and support them even if they don't ask for it, encourage them that no matter what they are thinking of facing, I would not be prejudiced against them. I have sinned, I have no right to cast any stones at anyone. Luke 6:42... How can we help our brothers to remove specks from their eyes when we have planks in ours? All of us have sinned, but His blood cleans and changes, if we let it.
Oops! It's light and the birds are chirping. It's time for another exciting day of studying. :)
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| Romans 14 reveals on how we of different denominations and understandings of doctrines are to behave and accept one another. We are asked to love and accept one another, and appreciate it if one is weak in faith and not dispute over doubtful matters. It is wonderful that being in OCF, I see the people of different denominations come together and exhorting one another, coming together in fellowship and loving God together. The passage continues to say to make every effort to do what leads to peace and and to mutual edification. We may not agree on everything, yet we learn to respectfully disagree and focus on the things that matter, on our Father in heaven. If someone disagrees with me, accept me for I am weak in faith!!! Haha, but still, do discuss with me. It does not matter if I like to pray this way and he prays in another way. Of course, it would matter whom we call God for He cannot be compromised. God looks beyond all that, and looks at us and our hearts; and sees us to the very core. He desires love and forbearance so much more than implementing doctrines on one another. He is concerned with the kind of life we live, how we treat people, character, fruits that we manifest.
Recently, I had the chance to listen to the accoustic guitar music, fingerstyles of Tommy Emmanuel. Wow. He is fantastic. He is an Australian who knows how to play guitar at the age of 4, playing professionally at 6, and he doesn't know how to read scores and play by ear. He is a Christian who has gone through drug abuse, divorce. I'm not sure if he had an exciting testimony but I'm amazed at what God has given him, brought him through and done in his life.
Praise God for He is the source of joy and happiness!
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| I can't remember if I had talked about war and soldiers before. People wonder people can still be Christians and go to war, and for a soldier, how painful it must be to face the horrors of war, to kill people and see fellow brothers being killed. I don't envy one bit the soldiers who have to go to war because their country ordered them to go. I just watched "We Were Soldiers" again! I don't remember how many times I have seen the film, but I love the show. It is not just a war movie, it was a true story , depicting real people, real lives, real losses. I wonder if Singapore would ever have to go into battle? We don't have military chaplains. I wonder if we would have if a crisis ever come to Singapore? God loves all of us, He loves soldiers as well. Christians are taught that "Thou shalt not kill" and that if your enemy slaps you, you turn the other cheek towards him. In the battlefield, you are killed or be killed. There are rules of engagement and morals with regards to prisoners and battleground, but when it comes down to the crunch, is there such thing as fighting fair or feeling for your enemy?
C.S. Lewis, Mere
Christianity:
I have often thought to myself how it would have been if, when I served in
the first world war, I and some young German had killed each other
simultaneously and found ourselves together a moment after death. I cannot
imagine that either of us would have felt any resentment or even any
embarrassment. I think we might have laughed over it.
Major General Durie: "It is always wrong to use force, unless it is more wrong not to." In the Bible, war is part and parcel. We are after all living in a fallen world.
Some things happening around the world (well, those that I recall)
1. The Pope and Muslim tension (people killed, churches burnt), on top of the persecution and killing of missionaries and Christians for their faith already.
www.persecution.org/, International Christian Concern.
2. Many African countries have civil wars: Currently hot, Dafur region in Sudan. Millions of innocents killed.
3. Myanmar-Thailand-South Thailand borders warring, Millions are displaced, with no country, no home.
http://www.time.com/time/daily/special/photo/salgado/index.html
4. Nuclear weapon tests about to be performed in North Korea. Nuclear! Gosh...
It is sad that people have to go to war. Pray people would fight and kill for good of people and hopefully for the sake of keeping peace, if necessary. Pray for the soldiers and especially for innocents around the world, who have to suffer. It is easy to think wars do not affect us. It is relatively safe in Singapore and in Australia. Definitely, keep our faith and hope in Christ Jesus. He has overcome the world! A lifetime, is nothing compared to an eternity of fellowship with Christ Jesus.
"...in all these
things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to
come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall
be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ
Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:37-39
"Therefore,
having been justified by faith, we have peace with God
through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have
access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and
rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only
that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing
that tribulation produces perseverance; and
perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now
hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been
poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to
us."
Romans 5:1-5 I have yet to understand how Christians reconcile doing business and being Christian about it. Anyone have any thoughts or understandings about this? I have yet to appreciate it. Other than having a macroview of businesses, business is about maximising profits and reducing losses, getting maximum returns for your capital. Does it mean we can charge unreasonable prices for things knowing someone would still be "silly" enough to buy or no choice in buying? And if someone does want to buy, should one feel guilty? I am not talking about world level, but more individual. Withholding information on the item which you are selling and charging high prices still, is that ethical? You are not telling a lie, just not telling everything. No one would tell you the disadvantages or side points on their products. I don't know, I would feel bad about it. 5 weeks to exams. Gosh! I like Graham Laycock's attitude in life. I pray in no matter circumstance I am in, happy or sad, give thanks to the Lord! He is worthy to be praised!
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| Didn't know that it has been 5 months since I last updated my blog. I didn't really feel like blogging much. Anyway, too many things have happened through these months to say everything. Some good stuff happened, some bad stuff happened. This few weeks have been particularly tough, a time of losses.
1. Technology
I wanted to reformat my laptop and computer and backed up my information on a portable hard disk. I accidentally reformatted my back up as well. 4+ years worth of photos are gone. All my information are gone from my computer. How painful was that? By the way, I have a girlfriend now. Her name is Ruth. Our first dates' photos are gone, and no, she doesn't have all the photos. That was so painful.
2. People
My grandmother just passed away. Granted I couldn't speak her language, Teochew and we couldn't understand each other. However, she looked after my family for a good many years. Every year, when I go back, she would hold me and cry, saying how she wished my grandfather would be alive to see me. Even though we couldn't understand each other, I know she loved me and my family. I wished she were alive to see me through more phases of my life. She has been unwell for some time and my family had expected her to go soon. She requested instead of staying in the hospital, to stay at home. She knew her time is coming and asked her children to see her. I wished I could have been there. I wished I could fly back, and not know after she is gone. I didn't feel much on Thursday when I knew, now I just can't help but feel overwhelmed with emotions. She's not a Christian. My knowledge of the afterlife is limited but somehow I wished somehow or another, she would be able to at least be with my grandfather. I always thought she is such a faithful woman, to her husband and to her children. She looked after my grandfather when he suffered from a stroke which left him partially paralysed, and any woman to look after 9 children deserved some award.
3. Chimes
I had to give my dog away. My neighbours complaint that he barked too much. I didn't know what I can do next. He had 3 debarking collars (costing hundreds of dollars), toys to enrich his daily life, training him. I could go to a veterinary behaviourist. The neighbours, actually just one house, complaint to the council. They had a young kid. I thought I might not be able to bring him back home to Singapore, and for the sake of their kid, I gave him up. I didn't think it would be hard until I saw him going into a stranger's car and driving off. As much as he annoyed me and I am not the best pet owner, but the loss of his whines and barks when I come home, brought an emptiness. I am the kind of person who wouldn't spend too much on a pet and I couldn't understand why would people spend so much on pets or have such a close bond. I am the kind of vet student who believes in loving animals in terms of wildlife and God's creation, and I would prefer money to be spent on wildlife conservation or dying children then an old lady's chihuahua. Yet, to see my first dog given away, I felt so guilty, hollow, heart wrenching. I didn't think I could feel this way.
4. Garage Door Key/Money
This would be the least of them all. Just that this costs $75 to replace, and that's about it. I have been spending quite a fair bit and this just hurts my wallet.
Many good things have happened. I thank God for Ruth. It's just that these few weeks have been tough. Regardless of all this, I thank God for the memories and that in a whiff of time, I had them.
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| Hours to my test!!! This is not good... :P Feeling a little stressed up. Trying to concentrate. Unknowingly, I was thinking, how much do I trust God? Delayed gratification is actually a way to build character... be it small or big ways. However, I do struggle with that. Do I really trust God that all things will be done and come in His time? Learning to trust and build up my relationship with Him before my actions. This is not easy! Quote: "Learning how to live my todays for His kingdom and entrust tomorrows to His providence"
I can see places and areas in my life that need improvements. My conscience is pricking me. Back to work! Hope everyone is doing fine! Sorry if I haven't been catching up with people! Take care!
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